i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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