Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize