non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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