i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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