respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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