I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize