I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
So. Much. Porn.
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