K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
