I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize