Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Enjoy the penises
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
