nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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