You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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