No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
