It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
