Don't make out with my wife yet
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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