No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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