I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
