Michael Bay diarrhea
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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