Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
