I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
