i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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