I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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