so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The uberlube is also flammable
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
