Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
