I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
