he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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