That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
