My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's blow job season.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
