wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
