dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
