girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
porn star boner night. come get it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
