I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
