i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize