I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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