then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
