I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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