the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
