I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
