JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
