tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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