I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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