This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
