Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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