i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
