I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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