Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
