I can text with my tongue
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
