it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i am craving dick and cupcakes
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
