i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
