I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
