he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
