Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
