haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
