Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
