Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
tonight lets celebrate not being married
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
