We won't sleep together?
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize