3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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