Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
