At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
