So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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