Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
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