I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
