Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
