Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
