Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
