I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
