i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize