Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize