I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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