We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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