He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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