I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
