Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
