It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
They have beer where we have blood.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
