I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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