She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize