1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
