so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
