found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
