Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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