Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
