Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
