Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
