I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
