You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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