Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
