i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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