we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize