My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
