I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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