My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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